Ama's Bedtime Stories

 My great-grandfather met the Devil one night. At least that is what my Ama told me. He was walking home down a country road after a night spent gambling. Loose change jingling in his pocket. My great-grandmother was not going to be happy. She hated when he gambled. She hated when he cheated on her more than she hated the gambling so there was some small consolation. My great-grandfather could see the road ahead of him clearly since the moon was out. Roads back in that day didn't always have street lights, but the moon lit the way that night. What regrets did he have that night when all of a sudden he saw a long dark shadow in front of him. The shadow was of a very tall man. The shadow was enormous. It seemed to reach out to him. He never doubted who was in his path. My great-grandfather fell onto his knees and began praying loudly. He closed his eyes to blot out the sight before him and prayed and prayed and prayed. It felt like a lifetime when he was hit with the stench of sulfur. When he opened his eyes, the shadow was gone and only the smell remained like boiled eggs. 

Those are the kind of stories my grandmother would tell me at night. No sweet tales or happily ever afters. True accounts, scary stories, and sometimes stories that were awful for the sheer fact that they had actually happened to someone she knew. 

A Saturday with Angelique co-starring Kenneth and Hannah

I realize as I begin typing this that I need more pictures of Angelique. Hannah is easy. She smiles and says, "Cheese" as soon as the camera comes out. Angelique is harder. She tries to be natural for the camera, but her smiles are forced and contrived. That makes me sad especially when I see pictures that Tessa takes where her smiles are free and natural. Must be a photographer error, me.

Today, was a good day despite the lack of pictures to commemorate it. Being that it is so close to the end of the month and I am pretty broke I couldn't take Angelique to the movies the way I had originally planned. So we winged it. We went to have her hair trimmed. Just ONE inch is all she would allow, but I think her hair is still lovely. She is still amazingly blond and gorgeous. After the haircut we went to Main St. and browsed the local bookstore. Then we went down and grabbed some cupcakes at Sweet Treats. Angelique loved the chocolate cheesecake cupcake and I devoured the strawberry cupcake with a sliced strawberry on top. We took some home for Hannah and Kenneth.

We didn't do a lot and we didn't even talk that much, but it was nice to walk around with my oldest daughter. She asked me how I knew everyone in town because I was talking to the man at the bookstore and the lady at the cupcake shop and a vendor selling polished stones. That's just my way. I want her to see that she should always try to talk to people and make a connection. It makes things more fun. It is wonderful to see the passion that people have for books, cupcakes, stones.... I wonder what my daughter's passion will be one day. She loves Japanimation, Adventure Time, and the thought of having her own phone right now. I hope she finds something one day that makes her really light up and I hope I can help her find it and be there to share in it.

When we got home we chilled out and watched The Help together. It was good to talk to her about how different things were in the past. The Jim Crow laws and the unfairness of life before civil rights came into being. She became very emotional watching the movie and so did I. Angelique has a soft heart and she hates to see people treated so unjustly. I told her that I hope that she always remembers that we are not better than anyone and that everyone deserves respect. I told her to always seek the good in people even when some people appear to have none in them.

Throughout this Hannah flitted around laughing and singing and munching on her cupcake. Hannah is so innocent and 2. :) She would watch the movie and then she would make a comment about something that happened to her. I think it was her way of trying to put things into perspective. Kenneth fixed us a supper of leftovers which was a break for me and a break for our wallets.

Next weekend maybe we can catch a flick together. Eat some popcorn and drink a soft drink. Maybe share some candy. However, I have had a wonderful Saturday with my family, especially my girl.

Why it isn't easy every day...

I wish that I could say that being a mother is a wonderful thing every single day and every single moment. But it isn't. I used to be a morning person. I woke up and had breakfast and I was happy to be awake. I was happy to get up and start the day. Lately, I dread mornings.

Hannah is not an easy morning person. She screams and she cries and she hates every outfit that I put out for her. She wants to wear her pajamas to school. She wants milk, no she wants juice. She doesn't want to potty even though I remind her that everyone needs to use the bathroom every morning. Sometimes I want to run away.

Angelique is not an easy morning person. Thankfully, as she has grown older she can dress herself and she can get herself ready, but she is moody. She is grumpy and when she is not grumpy she is slow. Just to put on a pair of jeans can take forever and forget me depending on her to fix her own lunch or have some breakfast.

Kenneth spends so much time shaving and getting dressed while I run around fixing lunch for Angelique and us and feeding Eddie. I would love to have things be ready for me every morning and just have to focus on dressing myself.

So yes, this morning I said that Eddie was my favorite and yes, today I couldn't help thinking that I hated having children. I don't hate my girls. I love my children, but I don't love the thankless job of being a mother. Yes, I love the hugs and the kisses and declarations of love... they just don't make up my morning. This is my morning vent.

What I hope for later today... that Hannah will be smiling and happy when we pick her up. That she will be painting a picture and she will tell me about how she played with her friends Cara and Zenobia. I hope that Angelique skips up to me with a big smile excited about what she learned today. That always helps. It erases all the negative junk from the morning and gives me hope that tomorrow morning and the mornings after will be better and eventually maybe my girls will be morning people as well. Onward and upward....